Things that Annoy Me

1.  This street dog who thinks that the landing in front of my door is his private potty.

2.  People in the neighbourhood who insist on reversing their cars with horrible tunes at ungodly hours.

3.  People who think that their kids are God’s gift to humanity and don’t think it necessary to teach them some humility.

4.  Relatives who look me over as if I was something that the cat brought home.

5.  People who think that laptops are some new age radios and have never heard of ear-phones.

6.  People who flood my inbox with ‘invites’ to join Facebook or to view their photos.

7.  Passengers on trains who insist on talking loudly on their cell phones and if not, listening to ‘music’ without ear-phones.

8.  New Bombay train stations that don’t think it necessary to have indicators on the path leading up to the platforms and mostly, not even on the platforms.

9.  Idiots who thought of installing metal detectors blocking the smooth exit at the VT station. And even bigger idiots who write letters to the news-papers complaining that they are out of order, or if not, how the beeps go unchecked and the security is so lax.

10. Panvel auto-rickshaw drivers who think it is their birthright to fleece passengers; and the dumb people who don’t protest.

11. People who spit from their car widows, train windows, windows from the upper deck of a bus, while walking on crowded platforms, streets unmindful of people just behind/below them

12. Characters in TV serials who speak in faux-Gujju accent.

13. News readers on NDTV who think their drawl is oh! so fashionable.

14. Cookery programmes on TV by Indian chefs- I mean they actually succeed in making the act of cooking, that too Indian cooking, totally sterile and unexciting. As if that was not enough- there is always a dumb looking anchor who insists on repeating every explanation. And at this stage, if you think that they can’t do anything more to insult your intelligence- they give you a quick recap. Jeez.

15. Hindustan Times for believing that the traffic police’s job is to arrest pedestrians and not to control traffic.

16. Motorists who think that the roads were made for the sole purpose of double-parking.

17. People who are behind me in the queue at the bank counter, who can’t stand patiently in a single file, insisting on stepping on the side. Not that they want to jump the line or dare to. They just think that being closer to the window will make things faster.

18. Bollywood film makers who make dumb films just because the NRI audiences lap them up.

19. NRIs who write letters via e-mail to India Today and Outlook- lecturing all and sundry on how to run the country.

20. The Indian middle class who think that it is the mission of the rest of the world to prevent India from becoming a super-power.

PS. Inspired by a dear old friend.

Austerity Overkill

Here is one more expert comment on the austerity overdrive as if all that can be said is not already been said twice over. Yah! we are repeatedly told (it's so complex, no) by the 'expert' news anchors and columnists (mostly the same people) that our netas flying the cattle class is not going to solve the problem of drought.

What drought? What do we know about this drought- frought? There is nothing on any news channel/ panel discussions/ national news papers/ editorials/ cartoons on this drought. There is nothing in our lifestyle as yet to suggest it's existence or onset. So dear Burkha Dutts and Arnob Goswamis and Vir Sanghvis et al why not stop blabbering about and make news programmes about this 'real issue'? Please tell us with your detailed analysis as to what is the status regarding this drought and how we ought to be prepared to face it.

I have a feeling that the zeal to ridicule the austerity drive is not just arithmetics of how much it costs to be austere. It is also partly due to doubts about our own lifestyles and values, and contradictions within. It is partly due to a belief that exposing the hypocrisy of the netas will mask our own.

The fact is that simplicity has never been a virtue in our society. Display of wealth, living beyond the means is normal and moreover linked to status. Anybody living under the means is considered a kanjoos. Lavish weddings and celebrations, wearing heaps of ornaments of gold and diamond, living in overdecorated houses- and much more that advertises the status- is considered normal social behaviour. Showing sympathy for the poor, specially in troubled times is not what we do. We may donate money and stuff but live simply for its own sake? No body wants to change their lifestyle just because there is a fucking drought somewhere. (who knows where?)

Simplicity and austerity is not to be espoused but suspected in our society.

Pedestrain Concerns

It is so ironic that the most logical and common sense suggestions for Mumbai’s future came from a developer in a panel discussion on Mumbai’s proposed development plan, during a recently held workshop by the UDRI. The remaining panelists- Municipal commissioner, former chief planner, prominent city architect and urban activist could only come up with obfuscation of needs and apologies for why it’s not possible to have them fulfilled.

Mr. Hiranandani, the developer, in a clear and lucid speech stated the priorities:
1. A Metro system that criss-crosses the entire city.
2. More and better roads for busses and taxis.
3. Good footpaths and better walking conditions with better pedestrian environments.
4. Discourage privately owned vehicles.

He said that Bombay can sustain its growth and increasing densities if the above is done on a priority basis. In fact, Higher and concentrated densities justify the above infrastructure and make it cost effective. He gave example of Manhattan where the costliest of the apartments come with ZERO parking facility.

I whole heartedly agree with him. Two years back, I spent five days walking up and down almost half of Manhattan. It has similar population density and commuter load as that of Bombay. The Metro, with several lines criss-crosses and disperses and distributes this load effectively. No matter where you are, you are within 7-8 minutes walking distance to a nearby metro station. Every street junction has traffic and pedestrian signals and of course zebra crossings. So many people just walk. Some ride their bicycles and many hail a passing cab which is always available. What they call traffic jams is nothing but slow (but steady) moving traffic due to signals. This slow moving traffic actually enables riding a bicycle. In addition to the metro is a bus system which is equally prolific.

If you are the car-owning type, you need to rent a garage as there is no privilege parking. If you need to park your car, there is limited street side public parking (which is about $2-3 for half an hour). This is so limited in quantity that you will have no hope of getting one free lot. You can avail the services of private car parks that charge appx. $25- 50 per hour.
In short, you are discouraged from owning or bringing your car to the city and if you must, you are asked to pay for it.

This is what makes for a true city life. That the city centre is dense and compact and full of attractions and actions. That it allows negotiations within it on foot and by using public transport. That a cab can be easily hailed and a bus stop or a train stop is not very far away. That you don’t need to own a fucking car.

If one needs to own a car, then might as well live in a village. In a great city, you shouldn’t even need to have a driving license.